MTC Adventures

The brazilian MTC was a magical place.

After arriving and taking a nap, I went to the bathroom. Bathrooms have different etiquette in Brazil and they try to help struggling americans in the MTC. They put this sign up to help:



They say that on the mission you have to make sacrifices-the first one I had to make was the extra 5 or 6 seconds it takes to thoroughly flush the toilet.

The next morning I had another surprise.



Everyone always talks about how you have so many rules on the mission--they were right.

One morning, I went to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. I turned the hot water faucet and nothing came out. When I turned the cold water faucet, the water came out brown. I think it was counter-productive to brush my teeth that day.

When I arrived at the MTC, I realized that I had forgotten a few things. First, I needed some hangers(cabides in portuguese, it was my favorite word in the MTC) and second, I needed some shampoo and soap. I went to the store on p-day, which happened to be the day after arrival. I decided I would save some money and just buy soap and use it to wash my hair instead of shampoo. I thought it was a great idea at the time. After a couple of weeks, my head started itching terribly. It never occurred to me to buy shampoo until I left the MTC. My soft, voluptuous hair has never really been the same.

Green

Reflecting about the good ol' days of yore, I remember many adventures. One such adventure went as follows...

Since I was always a hungry child, I paid extra attention to what was going on in the kitchen. We used to have an old creaky electric can-opener and I would get excited whenever I heard that salubrious sound. However, it didn't take long to learn that the sound didn't always turn out to be as glorious as I had thought. That's when I learned about labels on cans. At three years old, I could not read, but I could definitely recognize the pictures on the side.

Over the next week or two, I carefully watched each time a can was opened. I learned what the labels looked like for peaches and pears, applesauce and tuna, and oh so many more. Then I noticed something different; there was a can with this guy on the front:



I had no idea what was going to come out of that can. I watched with utmost concentration in order to find out what pieces of big green men looked like. It was pretty much what I imagined -- little cylinders of green man. I was shocked, confused, and a bit afraid. If I turned green, would my parents eat me? Would I have to wear a dress made out of leaves? Would I have to stand up forever?

These questions bothered me to the extent that I never wanted to eat green men. If forced to eat them, I would promptly throw them up. I vowed to never eat green people, no matter what society wanted from me.

Even with many other labels that don't show the picture of a giant leaf-dress wearing man, I still know the true origin of those green pieces of cylindrified flesh.

They do kind of grow on you though...

Red Spoon

Recently, I was asked if my previous words came from the Book of Joseph, Chapter 5. I must declare with resounding boldness that, yes, they did. I now will share the words from my youth:

Book of Joseph -- Chapter 1

And about the time that He-Man and moonwalking were increasingly frequent across the land, (I being about three years of age, I began to be learned somewhat after the manner of the learning of my people) and my mother said unto me: I perceive that thou art an hungry child, and art quick to eat.
2. Therefore, I was hungry and she did feed me, yea, she did feed me with a spoon of exceedingly peculiar workmanship.
3. Behold, it was formed after the manner of an airplane, yea, and it was red.
4. And I did love my red spoon with love unfeigned and without guile.
5. Wherefore, mine elder brethren did speak unto me saying, then why do ye not leave thy father and thy mother, and cleave unto thy spoon: and become one flesh?
6. And it came to pass that I did give no heed unto the words of my brethren, and I spake unto my mother, saying, I am small and despised: yet I do not forget thy precepts.
7. Nevertheless, after the space of one year, the spoon did pass away.
8. And it came to pass that after I came to the knowledge of the death of my spoon, I was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for I had great hunger.
9. Behold, my stomach hungered, and I kneeled down before my mother, and I cried unto her in mighty grief for mine old spoon; and all the day long did I cry unto her; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my cries high that they reached the heavens.
10. And she spake unto me, saying: But if ye will nourish the stomach, yea, nourish the stomach as it beginneth to grow, by a regular spoon with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the food thereof, it shall make you full; and behold it shall be a nourishment that springs you up unto adult life.
11. And it came to pass that I did heed the words of my mother and when she had returned to my chair of high stature, behold my stomach was full, and my mother was comforted.
12. Therefore, what manner of spoon ought ye to use? Verily I say unto you, any spoon.

Red Sneaker

And it came to pass that I departed into the wilderness. And I did bring nothing with me save my Liahona, the mytouch 3g. Yea, I did leave my apartment, my backpack, and all my precious things.
2. And I came down by the borders near the chevron on University Avenue.
3. And behold, a certain sneaker had gone down from Provo to Orem, and fell among cars, which stripped him of his owner, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him without his other half.
4. And it came to pass that as I went forth unto the place of my labor, I did by chance come down that way: and when I saw him, I said hi as I passed by on the other side.
5. And behold, when it was night, I lay musing on the singularity of the scene, and marvelled greatly at the happenings on the borders of the land of Provo.
6. I shortly after arose from my bed, and, as usual, went to the necessary labors of the day.
7. Verily I did come upon the wounded sneaker once again, and once again I did say hi as I passed by on the other side.
8. But a certain hobo, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
9. And went to him, and bound up his laces, and set him on his shopping cart, and brought him to a loving place, and took care of him.
10. And on the morrow, when I again came down that way, saw that the sneaker was gone, and great sadness filled my bosom, for it seemed the sneaker was lost but unbeknownst to me, it had been found.

A few questions for Mother Nature

Me: What was your most awkward experience?
Tree: Being a tree makes you a bit…immobile. It takes several years to move a limb. This has caused some awkward moments. A rather tall fellow was coming up the trail with a young lady. When I noticed he wasn’t paying too much attention to anything but his companion, it was about 3 years too late. He walked right into my lowest branch. I never know what to say after something like that.

Me: Do you ever tire of being green?
Frog: I hope you know, it's not easy being green. Sometimes I wonder why I am the same color as many types of manure, but you gotta realize--it's what I want to be.

Me: How do you persevere with uncommon valor in the face of incessant misconceptions?
Whistle Pig: It's really not as hard as you might think. We don't live all that long and we spend a lot of time in hibernation. It's also nice to be noticed when you wake up. Not many animals get the recognition we do. We have our own holiday, you know.

Me: In some countries, people call you a tree. In others, they call you a banana plant. Do you consider yourself a tree?
Banana Tree: I have spent many generations thinking about this, but every time I remember, I just call myself me.

Me: So how much wood can a woodchuck really chuck?
Whistle Pig: We don't chuck wood. I have never known any woodchuck who eats wood. You can't chuck it up if you never chucked it down.

Me: What do you think when you see a butterfly?
Moth: It's rough when you're cousin grows a nice set of flappers and forgets you ever existed. You've never heard anyone scream because a butterfly came close. Am I bitter? YES. Anyway, when I see a butterfly I wonder at how humans could confuse them with fire. They just stick their finger out to see what happens.

Me: Does photosynthesis tickle?
Flower: It actually is kind of like working out. I don't know what they've told you about photosynthesis, but combining chemicals to make little photos is tough work. Most flowers I know make photos of plants stepping on people to motivate themselves more.

Me: What is the best part about being you?
Sheep: Free nightly censuses.

A day in the life of Joe Gridley

This post is brought to you by the letter H.

As the earth rotated just far enough for some sunlight to enter my abode, a synapse fired and I was awakened. I have always said I wished it didn't take a small explosion to wake me up in the morning.

Now awakened, I made haste to prepare myself for the day's happenings--the first of which was a nice long shower.

In my hasty preparations, I calmly drank one of man's greatest findings--orange juice. Even if it's made from concentrate, I don't think much of it.
On my way to class, I picked up the trusty "Daily Universe". You never know if you're going to find something that you might want to read. Who knew that today there would be a story about the extinction of add/drop cards? I for one recognize the service that document has rendered to many students seeking a second chance.

In class, I learned about PharmaSim, which is now my favorite game. I couldn't believe we would get to pretend to sell cough syrup to old men for a grade. I have never purchased cold medicine before, but apparently i am pretty good at marketing it.

After class, i met with my group to go over some of the work we need to get done. It was an exciting time where I learned a great analogy that applied to our brainstorming. Brainstorming is like throwing up and picking out the corn. I feel we did pretty good today.

On my way to work, i imagined what it might be like to be a whistle pig like this one:



It would be quite frustrating when you can't whistle and aren't a pig to be called a whistle pig. That is why I admire these fine animals. They go through life making sure to ignore the common misconceptions that they can whistle and are pigs. Sometimes they are called groundhogs. Again, they deal with this name-calling throughout their entire lives. They aren't pigs or hogs and yet they persevere with uncommon valor. Another name they get called is woodchuck. They don't like to throw logs around but don't mind this name because it makes them sound strong.

If I were a woodchuck, everyone would call me a woodchuck for sure.

At work, I used my woodchuck strength to powerbrain my way through the quandaries of the day. I learned that woodchucks are quite efficient.

After work, I went back to class. In class we discussed a heap of cool topics. All kinds of synaptic explosions were firing in constant succession. I wondered if i could get a microscopic camera in my brain so i could make an action film. I imagined a t-cell in my head defending my brain from Naegleria fowleri, the brain eating amoeba. While defending my brain, he skillfully evades all explosions while single-handedly protecting 'head'quarters. After the filming is done, I would hire people to do the dialogue for the film because microscopic cells in my brain don't speak English. I would do my best to get Elmer Fudd to do the voice of the t-cell. The voice of the brain-eating amoebas would probably be done by a goat. The name of the movie was going to be 't-cell, the natural killer', but then i realized that it wasn't going to happen. Besides, class was over anyway.

Just a taste of a day in the life of Joe Gridley

Post number 21

The number 21 is very special. The number shows how people from different backgrounds can work together to accomplish great tasks. Let's break it down:

The number 2:
- Even number
- Prime number
- The only even prime number

Background:
The number 2 was never first, until the 2 and 1 worked together to make 21. At some points in 2's life, this has been a cause of great grief and frustration. No matter how hard 2 tried, he was always second. For several years, the 2 dreamed that people would start using binary because binary has no 2's. These suicidal wishes were overcome when 2 realized that love cannot exist without him. From then on out, he was cheerful in the face of ridicule from the even numbers for being prime. He was glad to be himself even when the odd numbers didn't eat lunch with him because he was even.

The number 1:
- Odd number
- The only number prime numbers are divisible by other than themselves.
- Smallest positive integer

Background:
The number one was a first child, however, he is also the smallest of his family of positive integers. He struggles with the Napoleon Complex. His outright rage of being so small is only matched by his overcoming loneliness. 1 is the loneliest number. This is the only reason 1 ever agreed to come together with other numbers in order for men to count higher than 9.

Interaction of 1 and 2:
When 1 first decided to work with other numbers, 2 was excited to have the chance to work with 1. The first time they worked together, 1 was adamant about being first and they made the number 12. This was all 1 planned on doing with 2, but returned in order to make the so very special number 21.

I now salute 1 and 2, who put differences aside to make good things happen together.

Third Grade Escapade

A long time ago in a place far far away, the time had come for the conservation play. The conservation of water and energy depended solely on our performance that afternoon. We had practiced long and hard for this spectacle. I played two roles: one of the three Elvises and a chef.
My part as Elvis was easy enough—I just had to mousse up my hair, woo the ladies, and sing about leather shoes. My hair had never been so big as it was that day. Big waves of smooth blonde hair.
Although my part as Elvis sounds exciting enough, the more memorable part was that of the chef. It was almost like a cooking show; I had to bake something right there on the stage. Part of the recipe was a slice of bread. As I got to that part, I realized that I had used all the bread during rehearsals. With my beautiful locks of blonde hair stemming from an immense skull, I quickly ad-libbed the line—‘three cups of water and…leftover bread crumbs from an old bread bag’.
Leaving the stage, I was supposed to bump into Logan, who was playing the dumb kid who doesn’t ever conserve anything. Well, we bumped so close that our feet caught each other’s and we both fell down. I never thought I would have done such a grand performance.
As I sat down, I looked over the transcript and realized that in my feeling of triumph over the empty bread-bag, I had completely skipped a line. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that since I was confident in what I was doing and had nice hair, I could be president of the United States. It really didn’t matter if my recipe didn’t make anything that tastes good.
Then I realized that Elvis wasn’t blonde.

Philosophical thoughts of Joe Gridley

Its strange how things change over the years, especially with new technology. Since I work with cell phones at work, I have thought of some of the changes that cell phones have brought to our civilization.
50 years ago people would think you are 'off your rocker' if:

you talk on the phone while in the bathroom.

you shamelessly talk to a small object in your hand several times a day.

you are happy to hear a buzzing sound coming from your pocket.

you continuously put something on your face that you never wash.

you aren't sure whether you've received a message or your leg is twitching.


I imagine someday in the future when I am as old as a Jitterbug customer, there will be a technology that I don't understand. But I think I won't have a problem understanding the technology in and of itself, I will have a hard time with the new social paradigms.

Tips

Some of you are not particularly adept in the use of the computer, so I thought it well to pass along some hints on how to use your computer efficiently with the Internet.

Remember that the information with which you are dealing is in the form of electrons. Electrons are very small (so small that it takes two full professors of physics and a graduate student just to see one), but they are real entities with mass and weight and which occupy space. This can be used to your advantage.

For example, electrons have mass and weight and therefore are subject to the laws of gravity. So if you are downloading a file from the internet, the process can be made faster by having your computer and hard disk below the ethernet jack so gravity can speed the process. On the other hand, when you upload a file to the internet, hold your computer and hard drive ABOVE your ethernet jack, thus combining uploading with a brisk cardiovascular workout. If the ethernet jack is at floor level, have it raised or your downloading will always be slow.

You will note that when uploading, the weight of your hard disk becomes a real factor. You can reduce the weight of your hard disk in two ways. First, remove all unnecessary files and store them on a separate storage device. Secondly, change the font size of all retained files to 3 point. Considerably less space will be used and hence, fewer electrons and less weight will be on your hard drive.

The Internet is complex and delicate and easily thrown out of balance. Therefore, it is important to balance carefully your downloads and uploads so that they are roughly equal. (The Internet can compensate for small imbalances.) If you have just downloaded an 8 megabyte program you should immediately upload an 8 megabyte transmittal. The easiest way to do this is to create (by cut and paste) an 8 megabyte file of gibberish which you can transmit to a friend or news group chosen at random. (For all you gmailers, just click the FORWARD button when you receive a FWD: and make sure that it goes out to your entire recipient list, those generally take up about 8 MB as well.)

Hopefully this will help some of you who are inexperienced with computers and the internet.

Life is funny

The other night my roommate came home and I was half asleep. He started talking to me and I remember that we had a conversation. But the only thing I remember him saying is, "we could talk about anything right now and tomorrow you wouldn't remember."

Hair Menu

What happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decision. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady asked me what I wanted her to do with my hair. I never know the answer to this question. When you grow up with flowbee haircuts, you don't realize all the options you have when you get your haircut. I didn't want to waste her time as I sat thinking about the flowbee, so quickly I told her to use a 2 on the sides and then to just trim the top. She cut my hair, I paid, and left.

What should have happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decistion. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady gave me the hair menu. I looked at my options and asked, "Does anyone really ever ask for the Donald Trump Deluxe?"
The lady replied, "Only Donald Trump, he got his haircut here when he ran away from the New York Military Academy for a couple of weeks."
"I guess that's one monopoly that nobody will file a lawsuit over." I said, "Anyway, I want a number 3."
She asked if I wanted to upgrade my order with a hair wash and gel. I didn't want that. She gave me the number 3, I paid, and left.

Buffalo Jerky

Today I was offered some buffalo jerky. It looked a lot like something that I like to call hair meat. When I was in Taiwan, I was introduced to hair meat. It was all over the place. Stores sold hair meat on every corner and it was even hiding out in sandwiches waiting to catch people unawares (that’s how I found out how it tasted). I must say that hair meat is one of mankind’s blunders. It defies everything that is holy on this earth. Not only does the taste offend, the texture resembles the small slivers of wood you get from chewing on a toothpick for too long. I imagine that during the millennium, hair meat will be eradicated from this planet.
Buffalo jerky is pretty good.

Here goes...

Once in a great while we find ourselves looking towards the future with wonder. Will the day come that ice cream won't cause great pain? Or a day when dogs don't bark? Will there be a day when roommate doesn't sleep in his Halloween costume?
I don't know if I am the only one who has pondered these questions. They say our trials are good for us~~~whoa, what's happening...?

[time warp to sometime in the future]

When the news showed the announcement that Google had purchased the dairy industry--that's right, the entire industry--it made no sense. I knew their goal had been to control all of the data in the world, but I didn't know how this fit into their business plan. Over the next few months, I saw the birth of G-desserts and G-milk made from their very own upgraded versions of G-cows.

I refrained from trying these new(?) products because I learned several years previously that I had better health when I stayed away from these things. However, the world quickly became engrossed in the G-lact line--especially among Chinese mothers because G-milk didn't give babies kidney stones.

G-milk became much more popular than milk ever was. Nobody even asked 'got milk?' anymore. Everyone already knew the answer. It was soon discovered by a lactose-intolerant scientist that G-milk did not do a body good after trying to give some to his dogs. His dogs never drank G-milk, they just barked at it. People began asking what was in G-lact products that made them taste so awesome. These ingredients were discovered and found to cause addiction in 75% of users.

This was the beginning of the end of Google. After the company failed, it was finally admitted that Google not only wanted to control what went into our heads, they also wanted to control what went into our stomachs. G-milk was only the beginning of their plans.

The next night I saw roommate and found out that he got rid of his Halloween costume after spilling G-milk all over it. I guess that ~~~whoa, this again...?

[time warp back to the present]

Wow, that was weird. I suppose we never know when our trials are blessings. I don't really need to worry about getting addicted to dairy products designed to control my actions. But possibly some things will never be understood--I guess its possible that roommate had different dreams when he slept dressed up as Zorro.

Red Jello

And it came to pass that on the 13th day of the 10th month of the two hundred and thirty second year of the reign of the constitution...ish a memory was brought back to my remembrance.
2 For I had been working diligently in the office of Dialogue Marketing when my elder brother did say that he felt strange. This brought to my remembrance the following:
3 As I was in the third year of my studies in the division of schooling called high, I was invited by my beloved brethren in Calculus to endeavor to run on the cross-country team.
4 And verily, I said unto them, yea.
5 And on the first day of running, they did decide to run to the next city, yea, which was a distance of six miles.
6 And behold, we did commence our journey at the school called high, yea, and I did quickly fall behind.
7 And when I could no longer see them in the horizon, I did wheeze a great wheeze.
8 As I was thus under this influence which held me breathless, yea, at this moment of great alarm, I saw red, yea, everything did have a red color applied to it. My legs also did begin to feel like rubber.
9 It no sooner happened than I found myself understanding what it would be like to be red jello.
10 Nevertheless, my thoughts did speak unto me, saying: Thou art not yet as jell0; thy friends do not slurp thee, neither charge thee with tasty fruits, as they do jello.

Easter!? Revisited

Due to much demand from certain people...mainly me, I will divulge one of my dearest Easter memories--brought back to me by the scent of marshmallow peeps.
I must have been about four years old when I had my first Easter egg hunt experience. With six kids running around like hotdogs without buns, I suppose it was only a matter of time before my dad decided that we needed a structured activity. He told us that we would have an Easter egg hunt and that he had hidden exactly six jellybeans for us. That's right, one for each of us. Since I am the youngest and quite possilbly the most lethargic--I couldn't find my jellybean. My older siblings had found the easiest ones so the most difficult one to find was mine. After much tedious searching and a little help from one of my brothers, I finally encountered what I had been searching for--the most delicious Easter jellybean to ever be confectioned. It was a triumph--however it was not my first, for I had already mastered the loo.

Easter??

This semester I have class at 8 every morning. I live south of campus and on my way to class I pass many apartment complexes. A lot of people have 8 o'clock classes. Each of them get showered, get dressed and leave. A few days ago, as I was walking to class, I saw a girl leave her apartment. She was about 20 feet in front of me. All of the sudden, memories of past Easters flashed through my mind. Huh? Needless to say, I was confused. Then I realized that the girl in front of me smelled like marshmallow peeps...from twenty feet away.
I have smelled plenty of strange people on my way to class in the mornings. New smells are created once I get to campus. People are closer together and their showering smells, cologne smells and whatever else there may be all mix together. I suppose its better than pheromones.

True Story...kind of.

Recently I had the novel opportunity to explore the vast regions of space. I had the choice of the visitation of the planet of my choice and also a ten-dollar certificate to Starbucks. Contemplating on this mind-blowing choice, I thought of Saturn. What do we know about Saturn? I definitely didn’t know a thing. I promptly returned my request to the prize agency and they accepted graciously.
They informed me of the departure date and I prepared anxiously. When the determined date came, I got up at sunrise to put everything in order. Upon arriving at Cape Canaveral, I saw the subtle name of the space shuttle, Big Bertha. The only other people there were the pilots of the colossal machine. I yelled, “Yo…space cowboy. Where do I put my luggage?” Chester, the pilot, pointed to the loading station right under the huge sign that said, “Put your luggage here,” while Gilroy, the co-pilot, snickered. I felt tremendously inadequate next to these rocket scientists, as you can probably imagine.
The shuttle was entirely different than my expectations. I had the notion that it would be filled with delicate, highly technological equipment. Boy was I wrong! It was mostly made of tin foil and duct tape. But science was on our side. The tin foil might be some extraordinarily expensive metal alloy like titanium. No matter what it was, I called it foilium. The duct tape could be an astonishingly sticky strip of unknown material. Wait!! That is duct tape.
We had been in space for a couple of measly hours when the pilots decided to give me a crash course lesson on space flight. I thought it was great but little did I know: they secretly wanted me to be the designated driver that night when they had their space party. As astronauts they weren’t allowed to drink alcohol, but they said that was and Earth law. We weren’t on Earth, so the rules don’t apply.
The next morning Gilroy woke up with a frightening hangover lying on top of Chester. He slowly looked around and realized where he was. He was in an escape pod headed for Earth. I had strategically placed them there when it dawned on me, I didn’t need them! They taught me how to direct this multi-million dollar hunk of household products.
I skillfully landed on the planet Saturn with ease. I swiftly found a motel to plug in my oversized RV. Finally, I had that task completed and then became cognizant of what I just did. I had just found a dumpy motel on Saturn! I tried to think of what the receptionist looked like. My mouth dropped open. I ran back to make sure. Yep, it was Elvis. I called out, “You’re still alive?” He sang, “uh-uh-huh,” in his savvy singing voice we all have heard.
This was way too eerie, so I had to get out of there. Although I did hesitate for a short time long enough to get his autograph and ask him how things were going. I launched into outer space once more on my journey home. I recalled all the memories I had made on this trip: learning to navigate the space shuttle, talking with Elvis, and watching Chester and Gilroy hurl in zero gravity. Ah… it was fun, but just like this story, all things must come to an end.

Hungry Boy Revisited

For those of you who are just starting to read my blog, please read about hungry boy in the post called ‘Hunger’ down below before continuing with this post.
My second to last day in Taiwan was pretty good. I went swimming in a cool river, saw a fun waterfall, and little did I know—I was going to eat dinner with the hungry boy…and the rest of the branch. When I saw the hungry boy, my eyes lit up just like his do when he sees food. Now I know a portion of what he feels towards food. But not nearly the portion that he knows.
As soon as the prayer was said, he was the first person to start eating. As he looked over the table filled with all sorts of dishes, his joy was so great that he used just enough energy to smile—not without great effort of course. Since there was a returned return missionary visiting at the time, she showed a video apparently made for her wedding several months earlier. By this time, I was done eating already even though I hadn’t had lunch. When the video started, everyone stopped eating and started to watch the video. Everyone…except hungry boy. I watched him for the next several minutes. He didn’t even stop eating long enough to look up at the video the entire time.
Much later, other people had come by for dinner and were eating. Everyone that had been there from the beginning was done eating. Everyone…except hungry boy. He scooped the food into his mouth with his chopsticks so fluidly and methodically. It was mesmerizing. His mother told him that he should at least take a break. He replied that he had taken a break, a five minute break, and he was hungry again.
At the end, when everyone was leaving, Rita saw that nobody had taken the dessert that she had brought from Tainan where she was visiting some friends. She quickly went around telling people to take some. I noticed that everyone hesitated before taking some. Everyone…except…well, you probably know by now.
I suppose that if he is hungry after five minutes, then it really might be quite a feat to fast for an entire hour. Let’s just make it clear that I don’t want to walk a mile in his shoes.

Unexpectedness

One afternoon after spending time with a 5 five year old, I grabbed the bike and was about to leave. Little did I know—it wasn’t going to be that easy. A middle/upper aged woman asked me a question. I was in a hurry and was caught unawares so immediately I said that I don’t speak Chinese. That didn’t stop her. She said that I was very handsome and asked if I was twenty. I said that I was 22. She asked if I was American or Canadian. I responded that I was an American. She asked what I was doing in Taiwan. I said that I was here to have fun. She found out that I had only been here for less than two months and couldn’t believe it. She said my Chinese was very good. She asked me if I had a girlfriend. This question brought back memories from my mission. So many snakes would ask this same type of question. I shrugged it off because I didn’t think an old lady would hit on me. I told her I do have a girlfriend. She told me that her daughter married an American from Tennessee. Then the whopper came—she asked me out to dinner. A woman old enough to be my mother was hitting on me!!! I told her that I couldn’t. Finally, she said goodbye and cackled as she rode away on her bicycle. It was the most unexpected experience I could have had that day.