Red Spoon

Recently, I was asked if my previous words came from the Book of Joseph, Chapter 5. I must declare with resounding boldness that, yes, they did. I now will share the words from my youth:

Book of Joseph -- Chapter 1

And about the time that He-Man and moonwalking were increasingly frequent across the land, (I being about three years of age, I began to be learned somewhat after the manner of the learning of my people) and my mother said unto me: I perceive that thou art an hungry child, and art quick to eat.
2. Therefore, I was hungry and she did feed me, yea, she did feed me with a spoon of exceedingly peculiar workmanship.
3. Behold, it was formed after the manner of an airplane, yea, and it was red.
4. And I did love my red spoon with love unfeigned and without guile.
5. Wherefore, mine elder brethren did speak unto me saying, then why do ye not leave thy father and thy mother, and cleave unto thy spoon: and become one flesh?
6. And it came to pass that I did give no heed unto the words of my brethren, and I spake unto my mother, saying, I am small and despised: yet I do not forget thy precepts.
7. Nevertheless, after the space of one year, the spoon did pass away.
8. And it came to pass that after I came to the knowledge of the death of my spoon, I was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for I had great hunger.
9. Behold, my stomach hungered, and I kneeled down before my mother, and I cried unto her in mighty grief for mine old spoon; and all the day long did I cry unto her; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my cries high that they reached the heavens.
10. And she spake unto me, saying: But if ye will nourish the stomach, yea, nourish the stomach as it beginneth to grow, by a regular spoon with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the food thereof, it shall make you full; and behold it shall be a nourishment that springs you up unto adult life.
11. And it came to pass that I did heed the words of my mother and when she had returned to my chair of high stature, behold my stomach was full, and my mother was comforted.
12. Therefore, what manner of spoon ought ye to use? Verily I say unto you, any spoon.

Red Sneaker

And it came to pass that I departed into the wilderness. And I did bring nothing with me save my Liahona, the mytouch 3g. Yea, I did leave my apartment, my backpack, and all my precious things.
2. And I came down by the borders near the chevron on University Avenue.
3. And behold, a certain sneaker had gone down from Provo to Orem, and fell among cars, which stripped him of his owner, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him without his other half.
4. And it came to pass that as I went forth unto the place of my labor, I did by chance come down that way: and when I saw him, I said hi as I passed by on the other side.
5. And behold, when it was night, I lay musing on the singularity of the scene, and marvelled greatly at the happenings on the borders of the land of Provo.
6. I shortly after arose from my bed, and, as usual, went to the necessary labors of the day.
7. Verily I did come upon the wounded sneaker once again, and once again I did say hi as I passed by on the other side.
8. But a certain hobo, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
9. And went to him, and bound up his laces, and set him on his shopping cart, and brought him to a loving place, and took care of him.
10. And on the morrow, when I again came down that way, saw that the sneaker was gone, and great sadness filled my bosom, for it seemed the sneaker was lost but unbeknownst to me, it had been found.