Me: What was your most awkward experience?
Tree: Being a tree makes you a bit…immobile. It takes several years to move a limb. This has caused some awkward moments. A rather tall fellow was coming up the trail with a young lady. When I noticed he wasn’t paying too much attention to anything but his companion, it was about 3 years too late. He walked right into my lowest branch. I never know what to say after something like that.
Me: Do you ever tire of being green?
Frog: I hope you know, it's not easy being green. Sometimes I wonder why I am the same color as many types of manure, but you gotta realize--it's what I want to be.
Me: How do you persevere with uncommon valor in the face of incessant misconceptions?
Whistle Pig: It's really not as hard as you might think. We don't live all that long and we spend a lot of time in hibernation. It's also nice to be noticed when you wake up. Not many animals get the recognition we do. We have our own holiday, you know.
Me: In some countries, people call you a tree. In others, they call you a banana plant. Do you consider yourself a tree?
Banana Tree: I have spent many generations thinking about this, but every time I remember, I just call myself me.
Me: So how much wood can a woodchuck really chuck?
Whistle Pig: We don't chuck wood. I have never known any woodchuck who eats wood. You can't chuck it up if you never chucked it down.
Me: What do you think when you see a butterfly?
Moth: It's rough when you're cousin grows a nice set of flappers and forgets you ever existed. You've never heard anyone scream because a butterfly came close. Am I bitter? YES. Anyway, when I see a butterfly I wonder at how humans could confuse them with fire. They just stick their finger out to see what happens.
Me: Does photosynthesis tickle?
Flower: It actually is kind of like working out. I don't know what they've told you about photosynthesis, but combining chemicals to make little photos is tough work. Most flowers I know make photos of plants stepping on people to motivate themselves more.
Me: What is the best part about being you?
Sheep: Free nightly censuses.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
A day in the life of Joe Gridley
This post is brought to you by the letter H.
As the earth rotated just far enough for some sunlight to enter my abode, a synapse fired and I was awakened. I have always said I wished it didn't take a small explosion to wake me up in the morning.
Now awakened, I made haste to prepare myself for the day's happenings--the first of which was a nice long shower.
In my hasty preparations, I calmly drank one of man's greatest findings--orange juice. Even if it's made from concentrate, I don't think much of it.
On my way to class, I picked up the trusty "Daily Universe". You never know if you're going to find something that you might want to read. Who knew that today there would be a story about the extinction of add/drop cards? I for one recognize the service that document has rendered to many students seeking a second chance.
In class, I learned about PharmaSim, which is now my favorite game. I couldn't believe we would get to pretend to sell cough syrup to old men for a grade. I have never purchased cold medicine before, but apparently i am pretty good at marketing it.
After class, i met with my group to go over some of the work we need to get done. It was an exciting time where I learned a great analogy that applied to our brainstorming. Brainstorming is like throwing up and picking out the corn. I feel we did pretty good today.
On my way to work, i imagined what it might be like to be a whistle pig like this one:
It would be quite frustrating when you can't whistle and aren't a pig to be called a whistle pig. That is why I admire these fine animals. They go through life making sure to ignore the common misconceptions that they can whistle and are pigs. Sometimes they are called groundhogs. Again, they deal with this name-calling throughout their entire lives. They aren't pigs or hogs and yet they persevere with uncommon valor. Another name they get called is woodchuck. They don't like to throw logs around but don't mind this name because it makes them sound strong.
If I were a woodchuck, everyone would call me a woodchuck for sure.
At work, I used my woodchuck strength to powerbrain my way through the quandaries of the day. I learned that woodchucks are quite efficient.
After work, I went back to class. In class we discussed a heap of cool topics. All kinds of synaptic explosions were firing in constant succession. I wondered if i could get a microscopic camera in my brain so i could make an action film. I imagined a t-cell in my head defending my brain from Naegleria fowleri, the brain eating amoeba. While defending my brain, he skillfully evades all explosions while single-handedly protecting 'head'quarters. After the filming is done, I would hire people to do the dialogue for the film because microscopic cells in my brain don't speak English. I would do my best to get Elmer Fudd to do the voice of the t-cell. The voice of the brain-eating amoebas would probably be done by a goat. The name of the movie was going to be 't-cell, the natural killer', but then i realized that it wasn't going to happen. Besides, class was over anyway.
Just a taste of a day in the life of Joe Gridley
As the earth rotated just far enough for some sunlight to enter my abode, a synapse fired and I was awakened. I have always said I wished it didn't take a small explosion to wake me up in the morning.
Now awakened, I made haste to prepare myself for the day's happenings--the first of which was a nice long shower.
In my hasty preparations, I calmly drank one of man's greatest findings--orange juice. Even if it's made from concentrate, I don't think much of it.
On my way to class, I picked up the trusty "Daily Universe". You never know if you're going to find something that you might want to read. Who knew that today there would be a story about the extinction of add/drop cards? I for one recognize the service that document has rendered to many students seeking a second chance.
In class, I learned about PharmaSim, which is now my favorite game. I couldn't believe we would get to pretend to sell cough syrup to old men for a grade. I have never purchased cold medicine before, but apparently i am pretty good at marketing it.
After class, i met with my group to go over some of the work we need to get done. It was an exciting time where I learned a great analogy that applied to our brainstorming. Brainstorming is like throwing up and picking out the corn. I feel we did pretty good today.
On my way to work, i imagined what it might be like to be a whistle pig like this one:
It would be quite frustrating when you can't whistle and aren't a pig to be called a whistle pig. That is why I admire these fine animals. They go through life making sure to ignore the common misconceptions that they can whistle and are pigs. Sometimes they are called groundhogs. Again, they deal with this name-calling throughout their entire lives. They aren't pigs or hogs and yet they persevere with uncommon valor. Another name they get called is woodchuck. They don't like to throw logs around but don't mind this name because it makes them sound strong.
If I were a woodchuck, everyone would call me a woodchuck for sure.
At work, I used my woodchuck strength to powerbrain my way through the quandaries of the day. I learned that woodchucks are quite efficient.
After work, I went back to class. In class we discussed a heap of cool topics. All kinds of synaptic explosions were firing in constant succession. I wondered if i could get a microscopic camera in my brain so i could make an action film. I imagined a t-cell in my head defending my brain from Naegleria fowleri, the brain eating amoeba. While defending my brain, he skillfully evades all explosions while single-handedly protecting 'head'quarters. After the filming is done, I would hire people to do the dialogue for the film because microscopic cells in my brain don't speak English. I would do my best to get Elmer Fudd to do the voice of the t-cell. The voice of the brain-eating amoebas would probably be done by a goat. The name of the movie was going to be 't-cell, the natural killer', but then i realized that it wasn't going to happen. Besides, class was over anyway.
Just a taste of a day in the life of Joe Gridley
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