Its strange how things change over the years, especially with new technology. Since I work with cell phones at work, I have thought of some of the changes that cell phones have brought to our civilization.
50 years ago people would think you are 'off your rocker' if:
you talk on the phone while in the bathroom.
you shamelessly talk to a small object in your hand several times a day.
you are happy to hear a buzzing sound coming from your pocket.
you continuously put something on your face that you never wash.
you aren't sure whether you've received a message or your leg is twitching.
I imagine someday in the future when I am as old as a Jitterbug customer, there will be a technology that I don't understand. But I think I won't have a problem understanding the technology in and of itself, I will have a hard time with the new social paradigms.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tips
Some of you are not particularly adept in the use of the computer, so I thought it well to pass along some hints on how to use your computer efficiently with the Internet.
Remember that the information with which you are dealing is in the form of electrons. Electrons are very small (so small that it takes two full professors of physics and a graduate student just to see one), but they are real entities with mass and weight and which occupy space. This can be used to your advantage.
For example, electrons have mass and weight and therefore are subject to the laws of gravity. So if you are downloading a file from the internet, the process can be made faster by having your computer and hard disk below the ethernet jack so gravity can speed the process. On the other hand, when you upload a file to the internet, hold your computer and hard drive ABOVE your ethernet jack, thus combining uploading with a brisk cardiovascular workout. If the ethernet jack is at floor level, have it raised or your downloading will always be slow.
You will note that when uploading, the weight of your hard disk becomes a real factor. You can reduce the weight of your hard disk in two ways. First, remove all unnecessary files and store them on a separate storage device. Secondly, change the font size of all retained files to 3 point. Considerably less space will be used and hence, fewer electrons and less weight will be on your hard drive.
The Internet is complex and delicate and easily thrown out of balance. Therefore, it is important to balance carefully your downloads and uploads so that they are roughly equal. (The Internet can compensate for small imbalances.) If you have just downloaded an 8 megabyte program you should immediately upload an 8 megabyte transmittal. The easiest way to do this is to create (by cut and paste) an 8 megabyte file of gibberish which you can transmit to a friend or news group chosen at random. (For all you gmailers, just click the FORWARD button when you receive a FWD: and make sure that it goes out to your entire recipient list, those generally take up about 8 MB as well.)
Hopefully this will help some of you who are inexperienced with computers and the internet.
Remember that the information with which you are dealing is in the form of electrons. Electrons are very small (so small that it takes two full professors of physics and a graduate student just to see one), but they are real entities with mass and weight and which occupy space. This can be used to your advantage.
For example, electrons have mass and weight and therefore are subject to the laws of gravity. So if you are downloading a file from the internet, the process can be made faster by having your computer and hard disk below the ethernet jack so gravity can speed the process. On the other hand, when you upload a file to the internet, hold your computer and hard drive ABOVE your ethernet jack, thus combining uploading with a brisk cardiovascular workout. If the ethernet jack is at floor level, have it raised or your downloading will always be slow.
You will note that when uploading, the weight of your hard disk becomes a real factor. You can reduce the weight of your hard disk in two ways. First, remove all unnecessary files and store them on a separate storage device. Secondly, change the font size of all retained files to 3 point. Considerably less space will be used and hence, fewer electrons and less weight will be on your hard drive.
The Internet is complex and delicate and easily thrown out of balance. Therefore, it is important to balance carefully your downloads and uploads so that they are roughly equal. (The Internet can compensate for small imbalances.) If you have just downloaded an 8 megabyte program you should immediately upload an 8 megabyte transmittal. The easiest way to do this is to create (by cut and paste) an 8 megabyte file of gibberish which you can transmit to a friend or news group chosen at random. (For all you gmailers, just click the FORWARD button when you receive a FWD: and make sure that it goes out to your entire recipient list, those generally take up about 8 MB as well.)
Hopefully this will help some of you who are inexperienced with computers and the internet.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Life is funny
The other night my roommate came home and I was half asleep. He started talking to me and I remember that we had a conversation. But the only thing I remember him saying is, "we could talk about anything right now and tomorrow you wouldn't remember."
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Hair Menu
What happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decision. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady asked me what I wanted her to do with my hair. I never know the answer to this question. When you grow up with flowbee haircuts, you don't realize all the options you have when you get your haircut. I didn't want to waste her time as I sat thinking about the flowbee, so quickly I told her to use a 2 on the sides and then to just trim the top. She cut my hair, I paid, and left.
What should have happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decistion. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady gave me the hair menu. I looked at my options and asked, "Does anyone really ever ask for the Donald Trump Deluxe?"
The lady replied, "Only Donald Trump, he got his haircut here when he ran away from the New York Military Academy for a couple of weeks."
"I guess that's one monopoly that nobody will file a lawsuit over." I said, "Anyway, I want a number 3."
She asked if I wanted to upgrade my order with a hair wash and gel. I didn't want that. She gave me the number 3, I paid, and left.
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decision. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady asked me what I wanted her to do with my hair. I never know the answer to this question. When you grow up with flowbee haircuts, you don't realize all the options you have when you get your haircut. I didn't want to waste her time as I sat thinking about the flowbee, so quickly I told her to use a 2 on the sides and then to just trim the top. She cut my hair, I paid, and left.
What should have happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decistion. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady gave me the hair menu. I looked at my options and asked, "Does anyone really ever ask for the Donald Trump Deluxe?"
The lady replied, "Only Donald Trump, he got his haircut here when he ran away from the New York Military Academy for a couple of weeks."
"I guess that's one monopoly that nobody will file a lawsuit over." I said, "Anyway, I want a number 3."
She asked if I wanted to upgrade my order with a hair wash and gel. I didn't want that. She gave me the number 3, I paid, and left.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Buffalo Jerky
Today I was offered some buffalo jerky. It looked a lot like something that I like to call hair meat. When I was in Taiwan, I was introduced to hair meat. It was all over the place. Stores sold hair meat on every corner and it was even hiding out in sandwiches waiting to catch people unawares (that’s how I found out how it tasted). I must say that hair meat is one of mankind’s blunders. It defies everything that is holy on this earth. Not only does the taste offend, the texture resembles the small slivers of wood you get from chewing on a toothpick for too long. I imagine that during the millennium, hair meat will be eradicated from this planet.
Buffalo jerky is pretty good.
Buffalo jerky is pretty good.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Here goes...
Once in a great while we find ourselves looking towards the future with wonder. Will the day come that ice cream won't cause great pain? Or a day when dogs don't bark? Will there be a day when roommate doesn't sleep in his Halloween costume?
I don't know if I am the only one who has pondered these questions. They say our trials are good for us~~~whoa, what's happening...?
[time warp to sometime in the future]
When the news showed the announcement that Google had purchased the dairy industry--that's right, the entire industry--it made no sense. I knew their goal had been to control all of the data in the world, but I didn't know how this fit into their business plan. Over the next few months, I saw the birth of G-desserts and G-milk made from their very own upgraded versions of G-cows.
I refrained from trying these new(?) products because I learned several years previously that I had better health when I stayed away from these things. However, the world quickly became engrossed in the G-lact line--especially among Chinese mothers because G-milk didn't give babies kidney stones.
G-milk became much more popular than milk ever was. Nobody even asked 'got milk?' anymore. Everyone already knew the answer. It was soon discovered by a lactose-intolerant scientist that G-milk did not do a body good after trying to give some to his dogs. His dogs never drank G-milk, they just barked at it. People began asking what was in G-lact products that made them taste so awesome. These ingredients were discovered and found to cause addiction in 75% of users.
This was the beginning of the end of Google. After the company failed, it was finally admitted that Google not only wanted to control what went into our heads, they also wanted to control what went into our stomachs. G-milk was only the beginning of their plans.
The next night I saw roommate and found out that he got rid of his Halloween costume after spilling G-milk all over it. I guess that ~~~whoa, this again...?
[time warp back to the present]
Wow, that was weird. I suppose we never know when our trials are blessings. I don't really need to worry about getting addicted to dairy products designed to control my actions. But possibly some things will never be understood--I guess its possible that roommate had different dreams when he slept dressed up as Zorro.
I don't know if I am the only one who has pondered these questions. They say our trials are good for us~~~whoa, what's happening...?
[time warp to sometime in the future]
When the news showed the announcement that Google had purchased the dairy industry--that's right, the entire industry--it made no sense. I knew their goal had been to control all of the data in the world, but I didn't know how this fit into their business plan. Over the next few months, I saw the birth of G-desserts and G-milk made from their very own upgraded versions of G-cows.
I refrained from trying these new(?) products because I learned several years previously that I had better health when I stayed away from these things. However, the world quickly became engrossed in the G-lact line--especially among Chinese mothers because G-milk didn't give babies kidney stones.
G-milk became much more popular than milk ever was. Nobody even asked 'got milk?' anymore. Everyone already knew the answer. It was soon discovered by a lactose-intolerant scientist that G-milk did not do a body good after trying to give some to his dogs. His dogs never drank G-milk, they just barked at it. People began asking what was in G-lact products that made them taste so awesome. These ingredients were discovered and found to cause addiction in 75% of users.
This was the beginning of the end of Google. After the company failed, it was finally admitted that Google not only wanted to control what went into our heads, they also wanted to control what went into our stomachs. G-milk was only the beginning of their plans.
The next night I saw roommate and found out that he got rid of his Halloween costume after spilling G-milk all over it. I guess that ~~~whoa, this again...?
[time warp back to the present]
Wow, that was weird. I suppose we never know when our trials are blessings. I don't really need to worry about getting addicted to dairy products designed to control my actions. But possibly some things will never be understood--I guess its possible that roommate had different dreams when he slept dressed up as Zorro.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Red Jello
And it came to pass that on the 13th day of the 10th month of the two hundred and thirty second year of the reign of the constitution...ish a memory was brought back to my remembrance.
2 For I had been working diligently in the office of Dialogue Marketing when my elder brother did say that he felt strange. This brought to my remembrance the following:
3 As I was in the third year of my studies in the division of schooling called high, I was invited by my beloved brethren in Calculus to endeavor to run on the cross-country team.
4 And verily, I said unto them, yea.
5 And on the first day of running, they did decide to run to the next city, yea, which was a distance of six miles.
6 And behold, we did commence our journey at the school called high, yea, and I did quickly fall behind.
7 And when I could no longer see them in the horizon, I did wheeze a great wheeze.
8 As I was thus under this influence which held me breathless, yea, at this moment of great alarm, I saw red, yea, everything did have a red color applied to it. My legs also did begin to feel like rubber.
9 It no sooner happened than I found myself understanding what it would be like to be red jello.
10 Nevertheless, my thoughts did speak unto me, saying: Thou art not yet as jell0; thy friends do not slurp thee, neither charge thee with tasty fruits, as they do jello.
2 For I had been working diligently in the office of Dialogue Marketing when my elder brother did say that he felt strange. This brought to my remembrance the following:
3 As I was in the third year of my studies in the division of schooling called high, I was invited by my beloved brethren in Calculus to endeavor to run on the cross-country team.
4 And verily, I said unto them, yea.
5 And on the first day of running, they did decide to run to the next city, yea, which was a distance of six miles.
6 And behold, we did commence our journey at the school called high, yea, and I did quickly fall behind.
7 And when I could no longer see them in the horizon, I did wheeze a great wheeze.
8 As I was thus under this influence which held me breathless, yea, at this moment of great alarm, I saw red, yea, everything did have a red color applied to it. My legs also did begin to feel like rubber.
9 It no sooner happened than I found myself understanding what it would be like to be red jello.
10 Nevertheless, my thoughts did speak unto me, saying: Thou art not yet as jell0; thy friends do not slurp thee, neither charge thee with tasty fruits, as they do jello.
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