A day in the life of Joe Gridley

This post is brought to you by the letter H.

As the earth rotated just far enough for some sunlight to enter my abode, a synapse fired and I was awakened. I have always said I wished it didn't take a small explosion to wake me up in the morning.

Now awakened, I made haste to prepare myself for the day's happenings--the first of which was a nice long shower.

In my hasty preparations, I calmly drank one of man's greatest findings--orange juice. Even if it's made from concentrate, I don't think much of it.
On my way to class, I picked up the trusty "Daily Universe". You never know if you're going to find something that you might want to read. Who knew that today there would be a story about the extinction of add/drop cards? I for one recognize the service that document has rendered to many students seeking a second chance.

In class, I learned about PharmaSim, which is now my favorite game. I couldn't believe we would get to pretend to sell cough syrup to old men for a grade. I have never purchased cold medicine before, but apparently i am pretty good at marketing it.

After class, i met with my group to go over some of the work we need to get done. It was an exciting time where I learned a great analogy that applied to our brainstorming. Brainstorming is like throwing up and picking out the corn. I feel we did pretty good today.

On my way to work, i imagined what it might be like to be a whistle pig like this one:



It would be quite frustrating when you can't whistle and aren't a pig to be called a whistle pig. That is why I admire these fine animals. They go through life making sure to ignore the common misconceptions that they can whistle and are pigs. Sometimes they are called groundhogs. Again, they deal with this name-calling throughout their entire lives. They aren't pigs or hogs and yet they persevere with uncommon valor. Another name they get called is woodchuck. They don't like to throw logs around but don't mind this name because it makes them sound strong.

If I were a woodchuck, everyone would call me a woodchuck for sure.

At work, I used my woodchuck strength to powerbrain my way through the quandaries of the day. I learned that woodchucks are quite efficient.

After work, I went back to class. In class we discussed a heap of cool topics. All kinds of synaptic explosions were firing in constant succession. I wondered if i could get a microscopic camera in my brain so i could make an action film. I imagined a t-cell in my head defending my brain from Naegleria fowleri, the brain eating amoeba. While defending my brain, he skillfully evades all explosions while single-handedly protecting 'head'quarters. After the filming is done, I would hire people to do the dialogue for the film because microscopic cells in my brain don't speak English. I would do my best to get Elmer Fudd to do the voice of the t-cell. The voice of the brain-eating amoebas would probably be done by a goat. The name of the movie was going to be 't-cell, the natural killer', but then i realized that it wasn't going to happen. Besides, class was over anyway.

Just a taste of a day in the life of Joe Gridley

Post number 21

The number 21 is very special. The number shows how people from different backgrounds can work together to accomplish great tasks. Let's break it down:

The number 2:
- Even number
- Prime number
- The only even prime number

Background:
The number 2 was never first, until the 2 and 1 worked together to make 21. At some points in 2's life, this has been a cause of great grief and frustration. No matter how hard 2 tried, he was always second. For several years, the 2 dreamed that people would start using binary because binary has no 2's. These suicidal wishes were overcome when 2 realized that love cannot exist without him. From then on out, he was cheerful in the face of ridicule from the even numbers for being prime. He was glad to be himself even when the odd numbers didn't eat lunch with him because he was even.

The number 1:
- Odd number
- The only number prime numbers are divisible by other than themselves.
- Smallest positive integer

Background:
The number one was a first child, however, he is also the smallest of his family of positive integers. He struggles with the Napoleon Complex. His outright rage of being so small is only matched by his overcoming loneliness. 1 is the loneliest number. This is the only reason 1 ever agreed to come together with other numbers in order for men to count higher than 9.

Interaction of 1 and 2:
When 1 first decided to work with other numbers, 2 was excited to have the chance to work with 1. The first time they worked together, 1 was adamant about being first and they made the number 12. This was all 1 planned on doing with 2, but returned in order to make the so very special number 21.

I now salute 1 and 2, who put differences aside to make good things happen together.

Third Grade Escapade

A long time ago in a place far far away, the time had come for the conservation play. The conservation of water and energy depended solely on our performance that afternoon. We had practiced long and hard for this spectacle. I played two roles: one of the three Elvises and a chef.
My part as Elvis was easy enough—I just had to mousse up my hair, woo the ladies, and sing about leather shoes. My hair had never been so big as it was that day. Big waves of smooth blonde hair.
Although my part as Elvis sounds exciting enough, the more memorable part was that of the chef. It was almost like a cooking show; I had to bake something right there on the stage. Part of the recipe was a slice of bread. As I got to that part, I realized that I had used all the bread during rehearsals. With my beautiful locks of blonde hair stemming from an immense skull, I quickly ad-libbed the line—‘three cups of water and…leftover bread crumbs from an old bread bag’.
Leaving the stage, I was supposed to bump into Logan, who was playing the dumb kid who doesn’t ever conserve anything. Well, we bumped so close that our feet caught each other’s and we both fell down. I never thought I would have done such a grand performance.
As I sat down, I looked over the transcript and realized that in my feeling of triumph over the empty bread-bag, I had completely skipped a line. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that since I was confident in what I was doing and had nice hair, I could be president of the United States. It really didn’t matter if my recipe didn’t make anything that tastes good.
Then I realized that Elvis wasn’t blonde.

Philosophical thoughts of Joe Gridley

Its strange how things change over the years, especially with new technology. Since I work with cell phones at work, I have thought of some of the changes that cell phones have brought to our civilization.
50 years ago people would think you are 'off your rocker' if:

you talk on the phone while in the bathroom.

you shamelessly talk to a small object in your hand several times a day.

you are happy to hear a buzzing sound coming from your pocket.

you continuously put something on your face that you never wash.

you aren't sure whether you've received a message or your leg is twitching.


I imagine someday in the future when I am as old as a Jitterbug customer, there will be a technology that I don't understand. But I think I won't have a problem understanding the technology in and of itself, I will have a hard time with the new social paradigms.

Tips

Some of you are not particularly adept in the use of the computer, so I thought it well to pass along some hints on how to use your computer efficiently with the Internet.

Remember that the information with which you are dealing is in the form of electrons. Electrons are very small (so small that it takes two full professors of physics and a graduate student just to see one), but they are real entities with mass and weight and which occupy space. This can be used to your advantage.

For example, electrons have mass and weight and therefore are subject to the laws of gravity. So if you are downloading a file from the internet, the process can be made faster by having your computer and hard disk below the ethernet jack so gravity can speed the process. On the other hand, when you upload a file to the internet, hold your computer and hard drive ABOVE your ethernet jack, thus combining uploading with a brisk cardiovascular workout. If the ethernet jack is at floor level, have it raised or your downloading will always be slow.

You will note that when uploading, the weight of your hard disk becomes a real factor. You can reduce the weight of your hard disk in two ways. First, remove all unnecessary files and store them on a separate storage device. Secondly, change the font size of all retained files to 3 point. Considerably less space will be used and hence, fewer electrons and less weight will be on your hard drive.

The Internet is complex and delicate and easily thrown out of balance. Therefore, it is important to balance carefully your downloads and uploads so that they are roughly equal. (The Internet can compensate for small imbalances.) If you have just downloaded an 8 megabyte program you should immediately upload an 8 megabyte transmittal. The easiest way to do this is to create (by cut and paste) an 8 megabyte file of gibberish which you can transmit to a friend or news group chosen at random. (For all you gmailers, just click the FORWARD button when you receive a FWD: and make sure that it goes out to your entire recipient list, those generally take up about 8 MB as well.)

Hopefully this will help some of you who are inexperienced with computers and the internet.

Life is funny

The other night my roommate came home and I was half asleep. He started talking to me and I remember that we had a conversation. But the only thing I remember him saying is, "we could talk about anything right now and tomorrow you wouldn't remember."

Hair Menu

What happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decision. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady asked me what I wanted her to do with my hair. I never know the answer to this question. When you grow up with flowbee haircuts, you don't realize all the options you have when you get your haircut. I didn't want to waste her time as I sat thinking about the flowbee, so quickly I told her to use a 2 on the sides and then to just trim the top. She cut my hair, I paid, and left.

What should have happened:
The other day I decided to get my hair cut. It was a spur of the moment decistion. I noticed that the BYU barbershop had a new sign and it looked pretty good. When I went in and took a number, they called me to sit down right away. No wait time; it was great. I sat down and the lady gave me the hair menu. I looked at my options and asked, "Does anyone really ever ask for the Donald Trump Deluxe?"
The lady replied, "Only Donald Trump, he got his haircut here when he ran away from the New York Military Academy for a couple of weeks."
"I guess that's one monopoly that nobody will file a lawsuit over." I said, "Anyway, I want a number 3."
She asked if I wanted to upgrade my order with a hair wash and gel. I didn't want that. She gave me the number 3, I paid, and left.